blowfish | IC CONTACT

[ Fuck. ]

Of course, yeah, of course he will -- that's how it works around here. He'll be back in no time. [ Did Carlos say boyfriend? It flies over Jesse's head for the moment, a creature of emotion first and foremost always. The reassurances are breathy, rushed. He's sensitive to just about everything about this... the blood and the stench of it, the killing, the dying, missing someone. ] But --

[ Why did Carlos have to kill him? It's a question he's reluctant to ask. He stalls. ]

Jesus, that's... [ Nothing but an apologetic exhale in the end, words failing him. He doesn't know Cecil very well (and honestly gets the creeps from him on a regular basis) but what a shitty situation, one Haven probably forced them into. Christ.

... boyfriend?? ]

[He does not know that Jesse and Cecil have met, know one another's names, or have exchanged a slightly meta and very disturbing conversation. He does not know that Jesse is homophobic, and he honestly would not care if he did.

Not now.

His knuckles are white where they are gripping the radio, where they hold to the lifeline of crackling and spitting nothingness that tie Cecil to this place.]

He will. He must, because he said that he would. He chose this death, he asked me to kill him, because he knew that he would return. He knew that his binding and restrictive contract would benefit him, it would bring him back faster, it would make his pain stop. So... so he must. He must.

[ That's messed up. Really messed up. Jesse looks down, lets go of Carlos' shoulder and rubs the blood between his fingers away. ]

He'll be back. [ And he looks back up, nodding determinedly. He still feels sick and this new information doesn't help him mask it, but he's not about to just leave Carlos on his own with this. ] You did him a favor. He asked you to.

[ From the sound of it, Cecil was suffering and Carlos made the difficult choice about putting him down. ]

I seen guys spring back up all the time, and I was dead before too. He'll be back.

We have all been dead before.

[His voice loses some of the pleading intensity that it had gained when the grief for Cecil needed an outlet. It becomes quieter, and a little calmer. A calm gained by falling back on the comforting support of science.]

Death is an absence of life, it is defined by a lack of heartbeat, of breathing, of pulse. Before the particular egg and the particular sperm bearing our DNA collided, we all exhibited these signs of death, these signs of an absence of life. But we have not all been dead such as is so common here, a more violent and bloody death, with a different sort of rebirth.

But... there is a rebirth. And Cecil has told me before, more than once, that his contracted employment with the ever present and often ominous Yao Corporation would afford him a definite and swift revival.

[ Jesse lets him ramble, does nothing but watch him with worried eyes. ]

Right. You're right. [ Not just humoring him-- yes, there is death and rebirth and Haven. Yes, Cecil's contract with Yao will afford him special privileges, along with special consequences. Pointing that out now is, of course, a stupid idea. Jesse's hand finds Carlos' shoulder again, an awkward pat meant to guide him back to the present. ] In the meantime, why don't you clean up and get some rest?

[ Spoken with all the tact and sensitivity he can muster up, definitely a little awkward, but definitely genuine. ] It'll help.

[It is sensitivity enough.

Carlos is a scientist, and a scientist is self reliant. He has always been this, he has never been anything else. It is new to him to have Cecil to rely on, to need to think of and consider, he does not think he is ready for his friends to be bastions of sympathy and sensitivity too.]

Clean?

[He's covered in blood. He barely noticed, and now that it has been drawn to his attention, he can't take his eyes off the sticky red fluid drying all over his hands.]

Yes, I will do that. Thank you. While I am gone, please... please continue to listen for me. When he returns, it will be over the airwaves, I know that much.

[ Whether he's ready or not, Jesse will continue to attempt to offer it. Carlos offered him help despite barely knowing him; he's not about to forget that anytime soon. ]

I'll stay right here. [ Radio's broken. When Cecil returns he'll be in his apartment, and if he chooses to broadcast anything, it'll be through the network. These are the facts that he won't point out. There's a soft edge to his voice, one that is trying to be reassuring. ] If I hear him, I'll tell you right away, okay?

[ It's not empty reassurance. As soon as Carlos leaves, Jesse will dig his phone out and watch for Cecil. But-- ]

You gonna be okay? Alone?

A scientist is self reliant.

[He murmurs the words by rote, in a voice which is dry and barren as the scrublands he misses dearly. He murmurs them as a half hearted reassurance that he will be fine alone, he murmurs a lie.

But he does not stay any longer to discuss it. He leaves Jesse with the radio hissing static, and he goes to the bathroom to wash away the evidence of Cecil's silent plea from his skin.]

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