blowfish | IC CONTACT

[ Another sniff at the returned contact.

It's as soothing as ever. He isn't entirely sure where his willingness to be close to Wade comes from. At this point the man is like family to him; it's not strange for them to share something like this. That probably deserves some examination, but he can't for the life of him pin down the turning point, if there ever was one.

And isn't it weird how the one person he feels like he can open up to about anything considers himself less than human? Jesse leans back just to look him in the eye-- in the mask. His own eyes are still wet, gleaming with tears that threaten to spill. Doesn't seem like he's ashamed of that.

He knows so much of what Wade's been through now, but he doesn't really know. He's never seen the side of him described earlier. He crinkles his forehead. ]

You're human too.

Heh. Nah. Last time I checked, humans don't have cancer-fueled healing factors.

[His laugh is more painful than it has a right to be, and it all has to do with seeing Jesse's reaction to this conversation. Wade tries to think of what people back home would have said or done when faced with this truth about himself. Judged him, probably. Nodded their heads in understanding, most likely. It definitely would have made sense to them-- if any of his comrades back home were to write about the rise of Deadpool, that chapter of his life would have undoubtedly been closed with, "And so Wade Wilson finally snapped, just like we knew he would."

He sees none of that in Jesse. Those blue eyes stare at him with a mixture of empathy and pain-- the sort of pain that comes from understanding a person's turmoil all too well; being so close to them that the thought of their suffering moves you to tears. As it has undoubtedly moved Jesse to tears. He can't remember anyone crying over him like this, not even at his own funeral. ~~Bullseye didn't count.~~]

S'okay. I know what I am. Came to that startling epiphany a long time ago. Don't know if I'll ever be anything more than a monster, but I'm tryin', at least.

[Another cynical, self-deprecating laugh.]

Hell-- managed to rope a great kid like you into hangin' around with me, so maybe I'm doin' better at this than I thought.

Edited 2015-02-09 03:33 (UTC)

[ It hurts to hear Wade talking like this. He desperately wishes there was more he could do for him, that he had more to offer than just... himself. His measure of experience is underwhelming compared to Wade's, which leaves him feeling like there's not a lot he could say to convince him that there's one person who will never think of him as a monster.

But he gives it a shot anyway, wipes the water residue away from his eyes and inhales deep. ]

Wade... [ He reaches up to put a hand on his shoulder and squeezes. ] And I'm not goin' anywhere. Alright? That's it. You're stuck with me, in it for the long haul. You know how many people think of me as a "great kid"? One. You. You're--

[ Struggling for the words... ]

I... I almost can't remember what it was like not to know you. There's nothin' you could tell me that'd change my mind.

[Wade can't remember anyone swearing such undying loyalty to him before. Most alliances he had made in the past had been uneasy ones, formed out of necessity or an attempt to undo a mess that he himself had made. No one had ever said to him that they were "in it for the long haul" and meant it, and as shameful as it is, the reptilian part of his brain that still remains a callous mercenary whispers in the back of his mind: I could use this.

He dismisses that thought almost immediately, repulsed at the idea that he would think such a thing, but even more repulsed at the idea that he wouldn't have been repulsed at all in the past, if such a thought had occurred to him. Jesse is not a pawn, no matter how convenient it would be; no matter how useful his loyalty would prove. He wasn't Weasel. He wasn't Bob. He wasn't an ally out of necessity or intimidation but a genuine friend, one who listened to Wade's past with tears of pity forming in his eyes; who was still willing to touch him with affection and camaraderie even after witnessing Wade lay himself bare.

And Wade would never tell him these things. He can't. He wouldn't have a single idea of how to start. Another laugh breezes out of him, soft and awkward.]

Good. That's a relief, 'cause y'know... I've got a wide range of weird fetishes that I'd like to get off my chest someday. It's hell goin' into a Lowe's-- those Dyson uprights always look like they're askin' for it.

[He jokes, of course, but there's no mistaking that look of warmth in his eyes; the fact that he hasn't let go of Jesse.]

[That pulls a small laugh out of him in return. It's a bit shaky, all things considered, with the previous topics hanging over their heads.]

'kay, maybe there's some stuff it's better not to share.

[Coupled with an affectionate squeeze at his arm. Jesse would never be able to ping onto Wade having those thoughts, not on his own. The smile he gives him is a touch self-conscious-- he understands how genuine he's being. It's worth it for Wade to know that there's someone around here who will always be on his side, who won't be driven away.]

I like you, and all, but that's a level of private detail I'm not ready to hear about yet.

[Shaky, yes-- but the tension goes out of the conversation just the slightest bit at that small bit of appreciation for Wade's joke. Wade chases the joke further, adopting a wounded tone to his voice.]

What, izzat too much information for you? Geez, so much for camaraderie. I thought you'd be with me on this, bro. Way to crush my dreams.

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